Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
It is the beginning of a new year, an opportunity for a do over. I do not play golf, but there is a term that I learned years ago in golf called a “mulligan” which means you can take the shot over. I like that concept. God is like that. He allows us to do things repeatedly until we get things right. God’s character reflects His desire to provide us with mercy and grace. His grace is never ending and if we ask Him, He always forgives us, wipes our slates clean, and having a clean blank canvas, we are free to move freely and forward again. The idea of a second chance gives us hope. The word Hope means clinging to possibilities. The possibility of joy again, heath, financial success, a healthy relationship, healed marriage, all come to mind.
Here are a few principles to help you move freely and forward again.
Grab onto hope’s possibilities. Do not allow your past to define who you are today. Use past regrets and failures as a springboard to learn from them but not to stay stuck because of them.
Develop a plan and aim high. Write down some of your goals, both personal and professional. Check in with them quarterly to see where you are and the progress you are making. Be flexible and change with the season or the time. Be realistic and practical in setting goals.
Combine both your faith and your work to accomplish your goals. The idea here is that God wants all our plans to succeed but we must cooperate with Him to make it happen! But someone will say, “one person has faith another has actions.” My answer is, “Show me how anyone can have faith without actions. I will show you my faith by my actions.” Good News Version James 2:18
Marquis Who’s Who, the world’s premier publisher of biographical profiles, is proud to present Dr. Mary M. Simms with the Albert Nelson Marquis Lifetime Achievement Award. An accomplished listee, Dr. Simms celebrates many years’ experience in her professional network, and has been noted for achievements, leadership qualities, and the credentials and successes she has accrued in her field. As in all Marquis Who’s Who biographical volumes, individuals profiled are selected on the basis of current reference value. Factors such as position, noteworthy accomplishments, visibility, and prominence in a field are all taken into account during the selection process.
Dr. Simms is a licensed marriage and family counselor with over 25 years of experience in professional clinical settings. As a minister and therapist trained in integrating biblically based principles and psychotherapeutic techniques, she is also the founder and director of Family Outreach Counseling Services, a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural professional counseling center with a Christ-centered approach. Focusing her practice on marriage and family, relationships, work related stressors, conflict and stress management, and anxiety and depression, she also helps individuals identify patterns that may be hindering them from living out their true purpose. Dr. Simms had been serving the greater Southern California community in the Long Beach /Los Angeles area since 1991. In 2014 she considered retirement and moved to Temecula, Ca but decided to continue with her purpose of serving others by continuing her private practice in Temecula, Ca.
Prior to establishing her Family Outreach Counseling Services clinical practice, Dr. Simms was a marriage and career counselor with Grace Counseling Services in Harbor City, California, between 1986 and 1992. She also gained expertise as a career counselor at California State University Long Beach between 1977 and 1984. Over the years she has also partnered with Life Branch Institute International, an international nonprofit ministry designed to work with leadership all over the world in the area of marriage and family relationships. She also served as a professional associate with Mendes Consultation Services from 1988-2000.
A speaker and preacher at area church conferences and retreats, Dr. Simms has also served her community by teaching both at the university level and in hospital settings. Furthermore, she served as an Associate Pastor for a Free Methodist Church in Long Beach, California for ten years. A recognized author, Dr. Simms published “Move Past Your Pain: Discover Your Purpose: Overcoming Negative Generational Patterns to Achieve Your Best Life” in 2016. In this book, practical wisdom is united with the fire of faith, leaving readers with a desire to change and given the tools with which to do so. Her book can be found at https://www.amazon.com/Move-Past-Your-Pain-Generational/dp/1512731889. Dr. Simms has contributed several book chapters and articles to professional publications as well.
Dr. Simms is a graduate of the University of Arizona, where she received a Bachelor of Arts in speech communications in 1974. Following this accomplishment, she went on to obtain a Master of Science in pastoral counseling and a Master of Arts in marriage, family and child therapy at Trinity College in Orange County, Ca. in 1983 and 1984, respectively. She concluded her studies with a Doctor of Philosophy in theocentric counseling at La Salle University in Louisiana. Dr. Simms is a licensed marriage and family counselor in the state of California.
For excellence in her career, Dr. Simms has been the recipient of several honors and accolades. She has been recognized by her work with Life Branch Institute International, American Association of Christian Counselors, many local churches and organizations. Dr. Simms is a breast cancer survivor twice and has inspired and assisted many survivors in their own path of healing.
She holds memberships in the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and the Association of Christian Counselors. She was early on named to Outstanding Young Women of America in 1984. In light of all her accomplishments, she has previously been showcased in the 24th edition of Who’s Who in the West. For more information about Dr. Simms, visit www.familyoutreachcounseling.com.
In recognition of outstanding contributions to her profession and the Marquis Who’s Who community, Dr. Simms has been featured on the Albert Nelson Marquis Lifetime Achievement website. Please visit www.ltachievers.com for more information about this honor.
Prior to establishing her Family Outreach Counseling Services clinical practice, Dr. Simms was a marriage and career counselor with Grace Counseling Services in Harbor City, California, between 1986 and 1992. She also gained expertise as a career counselor at California State University Long Beach between 1977 and 1984. Over the years she has also partnered with Life Branch Institute International, an international nonprofit ministry designed to work with leadership all over the world in the area of marriage and family relationships. She also served as a professional associate with Mendes Consultation Services from 1988-2000.
A speaker and preacher at area church conferences and retreats, Dr. Simms has also served her community by teaching both at the university level and in hospital settings. Furthermore, she served as an Associate Pastor for a Free Methodist Church in Long Beach, California for ten years. A recognized author, Dr. Simms published “Move Past Your Pain: Discover Your Purpose: Overcoming Negative Generational Patterns to Achieve Your Best Life” in 2016. In this book, practical wisdom is united with the fire of faith, leaving readers with a desire to change and given the tools with which to do so. Her book can be found at https://www.amazon.com/Move-Past-Your-Pain-Generational/dp/1512731889. Dr. Simms has contributed several book chapters and articles to professional publications as well.
Dr. Simms is a graduate of the University of Arizona, where she received a Bachelor of Arts in speech communications in 1974. Following this accomplishment, she went on to obtain a Master of Science in pastoral counseling and a Master of Arts in marriage, family and child therapy at Trinity College in Orange County, Ca. in 1983 and 1984, respectively. She concluded her studies with a Doctor of Philosophy in theocentric counseling at La Salle University in Louisiana. Dr. Simms is a licensed marriage and family counselor in the state of California.
For excellence in her career, Dr. Simms has been the recipient of several honors and accolades. She has been recognized by her work with Life Branch Institute International, American Association of Christian Counselors, many local churches and organizations. Dr. Simms is a breast cancer survivor twice and has inspired and assisted many survivors in their own path of healing.
She holds memberships in the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and the Association of Christian Counselors. She was early on named to Outstanding Young Women of America in 1984. In light of all her accomplishments, she has previously been showcased in the 24th edition of Who’s Who in the West. For more information about Dr. Simms, visit www.familyoutreachcounseling.com.
In recognition of outstanding contributions to her profession and the Marquis Who’s Who community, Dr. Simms has been featured on the Albert Nelson Marquis Lifetime Achievement website. Please visit www.ltachievers.com for more information about this honor.
About Marquis Who’s Who®
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Do you ever wish that you had an app to help you get your life back on track?
Unfortunately such a device doesn’t exist—and if it did, you would not need a therapist. It takes a lot of compassion, trust-building, safety, and the use of effective tools to help people solve problems.
Working as a Christian therapist for over three decades, I’ve done everything from helping couples restore seemingly shattered marriages to empowering victims of abuse. The work is hard and never glamorous, but I believe Christian counseling is truly a calling from God—a sacred trust. We must take people’s lives and souls seriously, providing the best quality of care to help them live Christ-centered lives.
I’ve also learned that the more we allow Christ to transform our own lives through His transformative power, grace, and principles, the more effective we become at helping others live healthy, balanced lives.
Of the many clients that I’ve worked with over the years, I’ve found one prevalent theme: people tend to repeat patterns from their past. These patterns can keep them stuck, hinder their growth, and hold them back from achieving all the great things God has for them. It’s something I explore more extensively with case studies in my book, Move Past Your Pain, Discover Your Purpose: Overcoming Negative Generation Patterns to Achieve Your Best Life.
Below is a nine-step framework you can use to help clients begin the process of recognizing and breaking these negative generational cycles:
Be transparent and authentic.
Tell clients your story. Allow them to take a look at your life, and encourage them to share their stories with you. Modeling transparency and vulnerability for clients in this way gives them permission to look at themselves without judgment or criticism. If we’re honest, all of us are broken in some area of our lives (Romans 3:23). Also, within this setting, you can validate your clients’ stories, encourage personal growth, and identify future therapeutic goals.
2. Identify patterns that repeat.
Construct a genogram that will give your clients a visual of their background, family of origin, and patterns that connect to current issues in their lives that may need to be addressed.
3. Identify current and past stress patterns.
Help clients identify past and current stressors and coping mechanisms used to handle that stress. Illustrate healthy ways to respond, showing how to handle stress and cope in a Christ-centered way. Point out old behaviors and encourage your clients to keep a journal while implementing new coping behaviors.
4. Determine generational patterns.
Work with your clients to uncover the negative patterns they’ve carried into their adult lives and then offer tools to reverse these patterns. You might consider using biblical models; show clients that these problems are universal and not unique to them.
5. Take charge and overcome denial.
Where there is deep emotional pain, it is difficult to face painful truths. This is why it’s important to encourage your clients not to minimize or discount destructive patterns. Half of the battle is won when clients take responsibility for what they have done or suffered.
6. Learn to think differently.
If clients are stuck in a negative or destructive mindset and it’s causing them to be stuck in some area of their lives, use a cognitive behavioral approach to help clients change and transform their way of thinking.
7. Embrace faith and avoid magical thinking.
Encourage clients to embrace the reality of their situation and apply faith-based principles to their situation. Empower them to apply practical solutions to their lives and give them tools that they can use in the spiritual battle raging against all believers.
8. Build a positive legacy for the next generation.
Model and express the importance of healthy modeling to the next generation.
9. Forgive others, forgive ourselves.
Provide biblical and personal illustrations (examples are given in Move Past Your Pain) for why allowing forgiveness to sweep through our lives is so necessary for healing ourselves and others.
I encourage you to use these principles to help people live out the best life God has for them. Please feel free to email me at drmary@familyoutreachcounseling.comfor comments or questions.
Mary Simms, Ph.D., empowers people to embrace their God-given purpose and live their best life. Having survived breast cancer twice, and with over twenty-five years of professional counseling and speaking experience, she knows what it takes to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Dr. Mary has a Ph.D. in Theocentric Counseling, masters’ degrees in both Marriage and Family and Pastoral Counseling, and is a licensed Christian Therapist. She is the Founder and Director of Family Outreach Counseling Services, a multi-ethnic and multi-cultural professional counseling private practice with a faith-based approach. As a Minister, Dr. Mary served as Associate Pastor for Light and Life Christian Fellowship, a Free Methodist Church in Long Beach, CA, and was also a career counselor at Cal State University, Long Beach for many years. She has been in private practice for over thirty years.
God desires us to have intimate/connected relationships with our spouses. However, there are so many things that can block that intimacy. Intimacy is defined as a state of being close, familiar, or internally connected. Emotional intimacy is a state of connectedness that allows two individuals to share their feelings and most secret desires and goals with one another. They feel “safe” with their spouse, able to share the innermost parts of themselves with him or her. The marital relationship is supposed to be intimate, as it gives us an opportunity to fill both our developmental and God-given need to be valued, understood, and accepted by another person on three levels: spiritual, emotional and physical. In this talk we will discuss these blocks and obstacles to intimacy. Then we will discuss biblical principles and tools that you can use to start moving down the path of wholeness and recovery.
Some of the factors that can block intimacy are:
1. Anger
a) Righteous v. selfish anger: From God’s word, we learn that we’re all capable of expressing the emotion of anger in constructive or destructive ways. Jesus was a great model of how to express anger appropriately. His anger was always “righteous anger,” because he cared about the way he treated others. Sometimes our anger is “righteous,” but sometimes it’s triggered out of selfishness because we’re not getting what we want.
b) Become a fast-forgiver: God also warns us not to let the sun go down on our anger. This means that when we’re in a relationship, we need to learn how to become fast forgivers so we don’t allow anger and resentment to build up. In other words, don’t let another day go by without resolving your anger! This doesn’t mean that as human beings we won’t get angry. We are human and we will. However, as we submit to the power of the Holy Spirit and allow him to help us, finding ways to manage and deal with negative emotions, we learn how to get better at communicating anger in healthy ways—ways that won’t destroy ourselves or others. Part of the healing process involves learning how to identify the triggers that cause our anger and implement some practical principles to manage it. A big part of managing the emotion of anger is figuring out why we’re getting angry, being honest with ourselves and others, owning it, and learning how to express our anger in healthy ways.
2. Triggers from the Past
a) Emotional scars: If we come from a background of abuse or neglect, we can develop emotional scars that can be triggered if we feel like we’re being neglected, threatened or abandoned.
b) Example 1: A good illustration of this principle is a couple locked in a heated argument. In the course of the argument, the man tells the woman that he wants to leave, cool off, and get some perspective. The woman, hearing only that he is leaving, starts yelling, crying and having a serious meltdown.
c) What gets triggered? When the woman in this relationship was six years old, her dad left to live with another family. So when her husband suggests that he’s just leaving temporarily to take a time out, all she hears is that he’s leaving her just like her dad did when she was a child. She feels frightened and threatened and starts yelling, throwing things and attacking him. At this point the communication breaks down and they are not able to talk, making the situation worse.
d) Example 2: An example of another trigger is a person who’s received a lot of rejection in his life from his family. From an early age, James was sent to live with his grandmother, and Mom kept the rest of the children at home. James feels anger and resentment, wants to “belong” with the rest of his biological family, but feels very distant from them. Now James is married and feels emotionally distant from his own wife and children. When his wife approaches him with issues about how he’s “emotionally unavailable,” he just gets angry and defensive and projects blame on her. James simply doesn’t see how his past woundedness contributes to his difficulty cultivating an intimate relationship with his wife and family.
e) Be aware: The healing process involves awareness of our own triggers and how they affect our emotions and cause us to react in ways that may be unbecoming to our spouse. Once aware, we can be empowered to engage in new and healthy coping mechanisms instead of the old ones that are not effective and don’t work to bring harmony or oneness to the relationship. New coping mechanisms require transparency and vulnerability.
3. Poor Modeling
a) Example: Because of difficult circumstances and conditions, Mom had to work a lot and Dad wasn’t present in the home. Therefore, Jim had to grow up fast. When he was fourteen, he was already selling things to help Mom make money. Now he has a family of his own and is very hard on his own children. He feels they are “entitled” and doesn’t want them to be “soft.” He and his wife often argue about this issue, and it’s causing a serious rift in their marriage. His wife grew up in a home where the kids were nurtured and valued and not expected to go to work until they became young adults.
4. Inability to Communicate Feelings or Speak Out
a) Example: Jane grew up in a home where she was sexually molested from the age of ten to thirteen. When she became an adult and married, she had a difficult time using her voice to express her needs. She’d allow anger and resentment to build up against her spouse when he didn’t recognize what she needed. The anger and resentment created walls between them, and Jane didn’t know how to use her voice as an adult to communicate what she desired.
Some of the other things that block intimacy are:
5. Childhood trauma
6. Poor Self-Image
7. False or Negative Beliefs
8. Past Sexual or Physical Abuse or Neglect
9. Brokenness from Past Relationships
— But here are some tools that can help you recover:
1. Affirm!
Affirmation involves building up a relationship by giving positive and encouraging words to another person. The book of James tells us that the tongue is an unruly member.
2. Invest time and energy into the relationship.
To be successful at anything, you have to work at it. Marriage is no different. You must make deposits if you want to have something to take out. And if you’re constantly taking withdrawals, you’ll have nothing to pull from when you really have a need.
3. Seek a truth-filled, Christ-centered, positive perspective.
Sometimes we have cognitive distortions that hinder our seeing things clearly. Sometimes issues like rejection, abandonment and anger get in the way, too. Ask God to give you a clear perspective of what’s going on in your situation. Sometimes we don’t always see our own blind spots. Jesus can give you clarity and help you see clearly.
4. Learn to fight fair.
In an intimate relationship, conflict will occur. That’s just part of life. We are different people with different ideas about how to resolve issues. It’s important not fear conflict but instead learn healthy ways to engage in it. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict, stay in your lane, and be open and teachable to your partner.
5. Remember that you’re on the same team.
Couples in conflict often don’t see themselves on the same team. They feel divided; sometimes they even form coalitions with other family members to be on their team. This doesn’t help build intimacy in a marriage. The principle of leaving and cleaving applies here. No matter what happens, you’re both in this relationship together, and you must work out your difficulties without triangling others in. An exception is, of course, when there is abuse or you are seeking professional help.
6. Establish healthy boundaries in your relationship.
7. Practice healthy communication.
Our personality traits and modeling from our parents or guardians all contribute to how we communicate with our spouse. Healthy communication means being open and honest and communicating your needs and your feelings. We can’t always trust ourselves to know what we want or need, but our wonderful and gracious heavenly Father knows what is best for us. In practicing healthy communication, we can always go to our faithful Father first and communicate with him. Once he helps us get the right perspective, we can communicate with our spouse. When we invite God into our situation, he can transform our perspective about the situation and enable us to wait on him to bring about positive transformation in the relationship.
Conclusion:
Embrace each other’s sexuality and view it as a gift from God. Sexuality is a gift from God and must be used in accordance with His standards if we want to live a rich and blessed life. A separate talk on sexuality will follow.
Stress is defined as a physical, chemical or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and also may contribute to disease. The most common currently accepted definition of stress is a sensation that is experienced when a person perceives that “demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize”.
We can’t always avoid stress, as it is a part of life. However, we can neutralize stress by implementing some positive principles.
This article will give you some techniques to equip you with effective coping mechanisms for dealing with work related stress:
1. Know Who You Are – Understand your strengths and weakness as they relate to the job that you are employed to do. More likely than not, if you are in a job where you get energized when you go to work every day, then you are probably going to perform better than if you are in a job that does not fit your skill and personality set.
2. Develop a teachable and cooperative attitude in the workplace – You will experience a lot less stress if you go into work with a positive mindset that you are going to express a positive outlook and attitude throughout the day.
3. Avoid office gossip – Develop a reputation for getting things done, not talking about employees. Focus on your priorities so that you focus on the most important job to do. Initiate doing more than just your fair share. You will be surprised at who is watching your performance!
4. Develop healthy boundaries in the workplace. This means that you keep your personal problems and challenges out of the work place. Spending a lot of time on your cell phone, emailing to personal friends, or talking to family members or coworkers during company time causes a company’s productivity to decline. In these difficult economic times, when companies have to engage in layoffs, they will look at how productive you have been and what you have been contributing to their organization as they make their decisions.
God made us for connection and for healthy relationships. In Scripture, God tells us that His design for marriage is for a man to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, allowing husband and wife to become one flesh. “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV).This principle sounds great in theory, but often both “leaving” and “cleaving” can be difficult to implement in real time. In this article, I will offer you some practical tips to help you live out the challenging first part of this principle—leaving and cleaving.
Leaving and cleaving to your spouse is quite a transition in marriage; you leave behind singleness, accountability and connectedness to your family of origin—of mother, father and possibly siblings. So far family relationships have mainly influenced your thinking and point of view, but now a major transition will occur. In marriage, two individuals come together to forge their own adult union—a union without interference from the outside world. Forging this union is a difficult process, and often requires two mature adults with similar values able to manage conflict and learn to appreciate each other’s unique gifts and contributions to the relationship.
If you’re in a new marriage, here are some principles to help you effectively leave and cleave:
Establish that you’re on the same team. A good illustration is a sports team: When a team is trying to reach successful goals, they communicate with each other; there’s back and forth between the coach and the players. They don’t tell the opposing team what their winning plays are. In a marriage, one partner doesn’t disrespect the other by going outside of their circle and telling unfamiliar people negative information about their partner (unless, of course, there is abuse, abandonment, or a dangerous situation at play).
Work through normal conflict by talking things out; communicate your differences without overreacting emotionally. Remember, all us have been given a unique, God-given voice to express our feelings. It takes a mature person to appreciate and value someone else’s perspective if it conflicts with their own. Learning to listen in a relationship is a skill that all of us must cultivate. Controlling your emotions and responding to someone you disagree with civilly and respectfully can be a difficult skill to learn. Often, triggers from our past hurts can hinder us from responding in a calm and civil way.
Encourage and support each other to achieve personal goals. Marriage requires—not co-dependency, or severe dependence upon one another—but interdependency. This means we’re two independent people who come together with our own uniqueness, personal preferences, and goals. But we can learn to establish both individual and collective goals in our marriage. It’s so important for us to support and encourage each another in our achievement of goals that are practical, realistic, and promote harmony and unity within our marriage. Most of the time, people want to get their own emotional needs met in a relationship. But taking the high road of modeling love and respect, even when things don’t go your way, can be a winning prescription for achieving a productive, successful, and satisfying marriage.
Big Idea: We can’t always avoid stress, as it is a part of life. However, we can neutralize stress by implementing some positive life giving principles. This blog will focus on some practical and useful principles, which if employed, will help to manage stress.
A commonly accepted definition of stress is that it is something that is experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize. One example is a situation where an individual has more debt than financial resources; another example in the workplace is an individual that is not working in her or her area of gifting, so is having a difficult time completing a given project. Another illustration is an employee who is struggling with multiple stressors at the same time. For example, going through a divorce, struggling with financial debt, and having career struggles all at the same time. When stress happens, a physiological response to an internal or external stimulus happens that can trigger the fight or flight response.
Some people have great coping mechanisms and know how to manage the fight or flight response. Others have a difficult time and stress can result in depression, anxiety, time off from work and both physical and emotional illness.
Here are some practical ways to help you to manage the stressors that come into your life.
Know Who You Are – Understand your personal strengths and weaknesses as they relate to your goals and objectives, both personally and professionally. Everyone has areas where they are great and not so great. If you know who you are, you will learn to take on things that fit your personality and gifting better, thereby reducing your level of stress.
Learn to Set Boundaries – Think of boundaries as an adjustable emotional fence; let the fence down when you want to take on more responsibility, and put the fence up when you need to set limits. Know your limits and stick to them as necessary in all aspects of life.
Practice effective time management- Assess the value of your time, understand how to use it effectively, and improve your patterns.
Balance work with rest, relaxation, family time and fun! In other words, learn to enjoy life. You can’t take any of it with you!
There is wisdom in applying a scriptural principle in managing stress. Surrender to a power greater than yourself. It comes from Matthew 6:25-27. It reads …Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. [1]
[1]The Holy Bible : New International Version. electronic ed. Grand Rapids : Zondervan, 1996, c1984, S. Mt 6:26-27
In my work as a Christian therapist for over twenty-five years, I have discovered many valuable insights. Perhaps the first and most significant insight is that Christian counseling is a “calling” and a sacred trust. This means that we must take seriously the lives and souls that we meet and provide the best quality of care to help people to live Christ centered lives.
The second significant truth that I have learned as a Christian Therapist over many years is that the more that we allow Christ to transform our lives through His transformative power, grace, and His principles, the more effective we become at helping others live healthy balanced lives.
Over the years, I have had the privilege of sitting with many people from all walks of life and I’ve found one theme is prevalent—people tend to repeat patterns from their past that can hinder their growth and keep them stuck from achieving all the great things that God has for them. Examples of these negative patterns are presented in my book, Move Past your Pain, Discover Your purpose.
The book gives principles and case studies of how generational cycles can repeat if we are not aware of them. This post, with its focus on the nine principles that are spelled out in the book, is designed to become a small group study that will guide clinicians and lay counselors in assisting people to recover their lives. The platform for the six to nine-week study is presented below:
Week 1
My Story: The first chapter in the book provides a guide for clinicians to use by allowing them to look at the authors personal story and then to model for clients their own personal story in a group setting. This principle comes from the biblical principle that we are all broken in some area of our lives. (Romans 3:23) Modeling transparency and vulnerability to the client of the therapist’s background gives the client permission to look at themselves without judgement or criticism. As the the clinician and or lay counselor guides the client to write their own story and then share it in a small confidential closed group, therapists and lay counselors are encouraged to validate their stories and encourage personal growth, and identify future therapeutic goals.
Week 2
Patterns that Repeat: Clinicians will help people to construct a genogram that will give them a visual of their background, family of origan, and patterns that connect to current issues in their lives that may need to be dealt with. Examples are given in Move Past Your Pain.
Week 3
Stress and Patterns: Clinicians and lay counselors will help to identify past and current stressors and coping mechanisms that are used to handle stress. Healthy methods are illustrated of how to handle past and current stressors and how to cope in a Christ Centered way. Old behaviors are identified and a journal is kept on implementing new coping behaviors.
Week 4
Generational Patterns: Clinicians will help clients identify negative patterns that repeat throughout their adult lives and then identify tools to reverse these patterns. Biblical models are also used to show that these can be universal problems and not just unique to clients who are struggling
Week 5
Taking Charge and Overcoming Denial: Clinicians/counselors will help clients not to minimize or discount destructive patterns. Half of the battle for clients is taking responsibility to own and deal with their issues. When there is emotional pain, it is difficult to face painful truths.
Week 6
Learning to Think Differently: Clinicians and lay counselors will use a cognitive behavioral approach to help clients change their thinking if it is causing them to be stuck in some area of their lives.
Week 7
Magical Thinking, Faith, and The Fight: Clinicians and lay counselors help clients embrace the reality of their situation and apply faith based principles to their situation. Also, clinicians will help clients apply practical solutions to their lives and give tools in joining with the client in fighting the spiritual battle that is against all believers.
Week 8
Building a Positive Legacy for the Next generation: Clinicians and lay counselors will model and express the importance of healthy modeling to the next generation and give examples.
Week 9
Forgiving Others, Forgiving Ourselves: Clinicians and lay counselors will provide biblical and personal illustrations from Dr. Simms book to identify why the principle of forgiveness in our lives is so necessary for healing ourselves and others.
