In my work as a Christian therapist for over twenty-five years, I have discovered many valuable insights.  Perhaps the first and most significant insight is that Christian counseling is a “calling” and a sacred trust.  This means that we must take seriously the lives and souls that we meet and provide the best quality of care to help people to live Christ centered lives.   

 The second significant truth that I have learned as a Christian Therapist over many years is that the more that we allow Christ to transform our lives through His transformative power, grace, and His principles, the more effective we become at helping others live healthy balanced lives.   

Over the years, I have had the privilege of sitting with many people from all walks of life and I’ve found one theme is prevalent—people tend to repeat patterns from their past that can hinder their growth and keep them stuck from achieving all the great things that God has for them.   Examples of these negative patterns are presented in my book, Move Past your Pain, Discover Your purpose. 

The book gives principles and case studies of how generational cycles can repeat if we are not aware of them. This post, with its focus on the nine principles that are spelled out in the book, is designed to become a small group study that will guide clinicians and lay counselors in assisting people to recover their lives. The platform for the six to nine-week study is presented below:

Week 1

My Story:  The first chapter in the book provides a guide for clinicians to use by allowing them to look at the authors personal story and then to model for clients their own personal story in a group setting.  This principle comes from the biblical principle that we are all broken in some area of our lives.  (Romans 3:23)   Modeling transparency and vulnerability to the client of the therapist’s background gives the client permission to look at themselves without judgement or criticism.  As the the clinician and or lay counselor guides the client to write their own story and then share it in a small confidential closed group, therapists and lay counselors are encouraged to validate their stories and encourage personal growth, and identify future therapeutic goals.   

Week 2

Patterns that Repeat:  Clinicians will help people to construct a genogram that will give them a visual of their background, family of origan, and patterns that connect to current issues in their lives that may need to be dealt with.  Examples are given in Move Past Your Pain.

Week 3

Stress and Patterns:  Clinicians and lay counselors will help to identify past and current stressors and coping mechanisms that are used to handle stress. Healthy methods are illustrated of how to handle past and current stressors and how to cope in a Christ Centered way.  Old behaviors are identified and a journal is kept on implementing new coping behaviors.

Week 4

Generational Patterns: Clinicians will help clients identify negative patterns that repeat throughout their adult lives and then identify tools to reverse these patterns. Biblical models are also used to show that these can be universal problems and not just unique to clients who are struggling

Week 5 

Taking Charge and Overcoming Denial: Clinicians/counselors will help clients not to minimize or discount destructive patterns.  Half of the battle for clients is taking responsibility to own and deal with their issues.  When there is emotional pain, it is difficult to face painful truths.

Week 6

Learning to Think Differently:  Clinicians and lay counselors will use a cognitive behavioral approach to help clients change their thinking if it is causing them to be stuck in some area of their lives.  

Week 7

Magical Thinking, Faith, and The Fight: Clinicians and lay counselors help clients embrace the reality of their situation and apply faith based principles to their situation.    Also, clinicians will help clients apply practical solutions to their lives and give tools in joining with the client in fighting the spiritual battle that is against all believers.

Week 8

Building a Positive Legacy for the Next generation: Clinicians and lay counselors will model and express the importance of healthy modeling to the next generation and give examples.

Week 9

Forgiving Others, Forgiving Ourselves: Clinicians and lay counselors will provide biblical and personal illustrations from Dr. Simms book to identify why the principle of forgiveness in our lives is so necessary for healing ourselves and others.

Life is filled with both good and bad surprises!  

It’s nice when everything in our lives is going well. When we make plans and dream, and do business as usual. But what happens when adversity weighs in and seems to take over our lives? When the pain seems paralyzing?  

That’s what recently happened to me. I was working in my clinical practice, enjoying pouring into people’s lives and basking in an abundance of physical energy that I’ve always taken for granted.

It started with a dry cough—that was all. No other symptoms. My husband noticed it and suggested that I go in and get checked. But I dismissed it as lung irritation from all the wildfire smoke we were being exposed to in Southern California. 

At the time I actually felt great—having just lost some weight and keeping up with my 10,000 steps per day—so I wasn’t concerned. 

We went on vacation to Texas and enjoyed family time, and I had no idea I was about to face such a serious illness. The coughing increased upon our return from Texas, so my husband took me to the emergency room. They took an X-ray immediately and discovered that I had bilateral pneumonia in both lungs. The doctor admitted me to the hospital in order to fight this illness aggressively. He described my condition as a “big pneumonia” and said it could take three to six months to recover.

Usually I’m a pretty healthy person. I recover quickly and hit the ground running like a rabbit. But this time my “big pneumonia” eventually became an auto-immune problem that would take some time to heal and force me to rest. 

Rest—that’s a word that I’m not used to, either. I like keeping busy and feeling productive. And though I’m grateful I will recover from this illness, I’ve felt so many losses from not being able to keep up with my normal routine. I’ve discovered that dealing with losses in income, energy and feeling purposeless and unproductive can lead easily to discouragement and depression, and result in the cultivation of daily pity parties.  

Thankfully, when I do get discouraged, I can look back at past experiences and remember how God has seen me through much adversity. I’ve had my share of pain. I’ve survived breast cancer twice, and my husband had a subdural hematoma in 2012 which came with a lot of uncertainty. But he’s doing quite well now with no residual affects! A few years ago, my daughter had a surgery that became serious and life threating. She is doing great now, and we are grateful that she’s healthy!

God has been faithful through all of this adversity. I’ve learned how to lean on Him for His peace, love, comfort and direction and to really cry out to Him for His amazing grace and mercy in my circumstances. 

Below are some principles that have helped me in my recovery. My prayer is that they will help you also. Recovery from an illness or loss usually involves a marathon, not a sprint. In other words, it takes time. 

Here are a few short principles:

• Prioritize what is most valuable – that’s YOU! Slow down and take care of yourself.   Slowing down requires letting go and surrendering to what is directly in front of you and taking one step at a time. It means redefining priorities and rethinking what is most important (instead of merely what you think is important). It means giving yourself permission to let go of whatever drains your time, finances, and energy.  

• Reframe your thinking – Often when we don’t feel well, we can dwell on all the negative aspects of a situation. But are you also able to recognize the positive aspects? Are you open to learning some great lessons that might propel you forward into a better quality of life? If you are entrenched in seeing the negative, it will be difficult to embrace the changes that can invite a new season into your life.    

• Grieve the losses – Experiencing an illness can bring about great loss—loss of time, loss of resources, loss of independence. Sometimes we need help grieving our losses with a clergy member, a therapist, or a friend. Grieving helps us let go of and forgive the past and enables us to accept a new normal. 

• Rely and lean on the One who promises to never leave or forsake you, the One who knows the days that He has ordained for you. Cultivate a personal relationship with Jesus and believe that God loves you and wants the best for your life!