Dr. Mary M. Simms

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

It is the beginning of a new year, an opportunity for a do over. I do not play golf, but there is a term that
I learned years ago in golf called a “mulligan” which means you can take the shot over. I like that
concept. God is like that. He allows us to do things repeatedly until we get things right. God’s character
reflects His desire to provide us with mercy and grace. His grace is never ending and if we ask Him, He
always forgives us, wipes our slates clean, and having a clean blank canvas, we are free to move freely
and forward again. The idea of a second chance gives us hope. The word Hope means clinging to
possibilities. The possibility of joy again, heath, financial success, a healthy relationship, healed
marriage, all come to mind.

Here are a few principles to help you move freely and forward again.

1. Grab onto hope’s possibilities. Do not allow your past to define who you are today. Use past
   regrets and failures as a springboard to learn from them but not to stay stuck because of them.
2. Develop a plan and aim high. Write down some of your goals, both personal and professional.
   Check in with them quarterly to see where you are and the progress you are making. Be flexible
   and change with the season or the time. Be realistic and practical in setting goals.
3. Combine both your faith and your work to accomplish your goals. The idea here is that God
   wants all our plans to succeed but we must cooperate with Him to make it happen!
   But someone will say, “one person has faith another has actions.” My answer is, “Show me how
   anyone can have faith without actions. I will show you my faith by my actions.” Good News
   Version James 2:18

We were celebrating our 47th wedding anniversary at the beach and my husband wanted to go for a walk on the sand down by the water. I was having a bah hum bug moment and really wanted to walk on the concrete near the water but not on the sand. I decided to go along with his request and made the decision that I would enjoy myself. What an amazing time we had! We saw so many birds including Sandpipers, Seagulls, and Pelicans. Then an amazing surprise! From the shore we could see the fin of an animal in the water. Was it a shark? Then, suddenly, a dolphin appeared out of the water doing acrobatic feats that one only hopes to see if you are out on a boat in the ocean or at a paid amusement park like Sea World, not from the shore! The birds and the dolphins were having fun just doing what they were created to do. It dawned on me that they were not carrying any burdens, but just enjoying the beautiful big blue ocean that God created.

At that moment, God reminded me that like the dolphin, we are not meant to carry heavy burdens either. He provides for them, so He will provide for us. Just watching the playfulness of that dolphin enjoying himself in the water inspired me to put off those things that can entangle us and weight us down. Let us practice having less bah hum bug moments and run this life race with joy, vibrancy and a strong faith in a living and loving God who provides for and takes care of us.

Matthew 5:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly
Father; feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

As we take in the images of the holidays, we see festive scenes and pictures of joy, gifts, and people laughing and enjoying one another. Yet, your story and experience during the holiday season may be quite different. Loss through death, divorce, separation, or estrangement of a loved one can pull up painful memories and emotional distress that make this time of season difficult to get through. Any number of things can trigger painful memories. Seeing a mother and daughter just walking through a store holding hands can trigger memories that were once joyful and are now replaced with feelings of emptiness and loneliness. These negative emotions can pull up anger, sadness, resentment, and cause you to isolate and move towards depression. Here are four ways to guard against getting into that negative emotion cycle.

1. Identify what you are feeling, what is triggering it and what negative emotions are presenting in your life. In other words, own your feelings, do not deny them. Sometimes owning our feelings requires us to look at things that are inside of us that we do not want to see.
2. Invite a safe person into your life to talk with you about these feelings, process them, and grieve them. Grieving is different for every person. It may involve tears, remembering the person by cooking their favorite food, telling a story about them, or engaging in an activity that they enjoyed and helped you to make a fond memory of them. If it is too painful, see a professional person who can help you work through it.
3. Do not isolate. Reach out to others who are safe and who have your best interest in mind. God made us for relationships, not isolation. Reach out to people who can build you up and encourage you.
4. Remember that God can restore your life. He is in the restoration business. Trust and invite Him to do it! He wants to restore! Never give up on His desire to restore you back to emotional health around loss and grief. It may not be in the timing that you would expect, but when it does come, it can bring tremendous healing, growth and change to your life for the better.

Isaiah 40: 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar
on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.

In thinking about God’s blue print or design for our lives, we don’t always see the great purpose that God has for us as we continue to follow His leading. As our purpose begins to unfold, one of the principles that I outlined in the last blog was how important it is to have a solid foundation.   Just as a foundation is critical to building a house that will endure, in spiritual terms, we also need a strong foundation on which to anchor our lives.  In Rick Warrens book, Purpose Driven Life, he talks about how we were created for a purpose. He says “There is an alternative to speculation about the meaning and purpose of life.  It’s revelation.  We can turn to what God has revealed about life in His word. The easiest way to discover the purpose of an invention to ask the creator of it.  The same is true for discovering your life’s purpose: Ask God”.

Living as a faith filled person involves staying connected in a personal way to a living and loving God, who wants to bless our lives in amazing ways.  As a Christian therapist, I’m always working on helping myself and others integrate their faith into practical and successful living.  This does not happen without developing and going through both the joys and trials of life.  Life always involves process.    A good online dictionary definition of process is a systematic series of actions directed to some end.  We all desire to be directed to some end; having better relationships, improving our finances,  developing a more successful and effective career, enjoying a better marriage with our spouse and having more effective relationships with our children.  Process is not easy as most people including myself would like to skip some of the process and jump to the desired final outcome. Without the process, however, there would be no successful outcome or growth that ultimately results in a beautiful design.

Process can be painful because it takes some emotional work on our part to look inside of ourselves to work through our own fears or past failures so that we can get a clean slate and have the courage to start again.  The great good news is that God is always working in our lives to help us through the process if we are willing to take action steps that will lead us towards great purpose! 

Life is filled with both good and bad surprises!  

It’s nice when everything in our lives is going well. When we make plans and dream, and do business as usual. But what happens when adversity weighs in and seems to take over our lives? When the pain seems paralyzing?  

That’s what recently happened to me. I was working in my clinical practice, enjoying pouring into people’s lives and basking in an abundance of physical energy that I’ve always taken for granted.

It started with a dry cough—that was all. No other symptoms. My husband noticed it and suggested that I go in and get checked. But I dismissed it as lung irritation from all the wildfire smoke we were being exposed to in Southern California. 

At the time I actually felt great—having just lost some weight and keeping up with my 10,000 steps per day—so I wasn’t concerned. 

We went on vacation to Texas and enjoyed family time, and I had no idea I was about to face such a serious illness. The coughing increased upon our return from Texas, so my husband took me to the emergency room. They took an X-ray immediately and discovered that I had bilateral pneumonia in both lungs. The doctor admitted me to the hospital in order to fight this illness aggressively. He described my condition as a “big pneumonia” and said it could take three to six months to recover.

Usually I’m a pretty healthy person. I recover quickly and hit the ground running like a rabbit. But this time my “big pneumonia” eventually became an auto-immune problem that would take some time to heal and force me to rest. 

Rest—that’s a word that I’m not used to, either. I like keeping busy and feeling productive. And though I’m grateful I will recover from this illness, I’ve felt so many losses from not being able to keep up with my normal routine. I’ve discovered that dealing with losses in income, energy and feeling purposeless and unproductive can lead easily to discouragement and depression, and result in the cultivation of daily pity parties.  

Thankfully, when I do get discouraged, I can look back at past experiences and remember how God has seen me through much adversity. I’ve had my share of pain. I’ve survived breast cancer twice, and my husband had a subdural hematoma in 2012 which came with a lot of uncertainty. But he’s doing quite well now with no residual affects! A few years ago, my daughter had a surgery that became serious and life threating. She is doing great now, and we are grateful that she’s healthy!

God has been faithful through all of this adversity. I’ve learned how to lean on Him for His peace, love, comfort and direction and to really cry out to Him for His amazing grace and mercy in my circumstances. 

Below are some principles that have helped me in my recovery. My prayer is that they will help you also. Recovery from an illness or loss usually involves a marathon, not a sprint. In other words, it takes time. 

Here are a few short principles:

• Prioritize what is most valuable – that’s YOU! Slow down and take care of yourself.   Slowing down requires letting go and surrendering to what is directly in front of you and taking one step at a time. It means redefining priorities and rethinking what is most important (instead of merely what you think is important). It means giving yourself permission to let go of whatever drains your time, finances, and energy.  

• Reframe your thinking – Often when we don’t feel well, we can dwell on all the negative aspects of a situation. But are you also able to recognize the positive aspects? Are you open to learning some great lessons that might propel you forward into a better quality of life? If you are entrenched in seeing the negative, it will be difficult to embrace the changes that can invite a new season into your life.    

• Grieve the losses – Experiencing an illness can bring about great loss—loss of time, loss of resources, loss of independence. Sometimes we need help grieving our losses with a clergy member, a therapist, or a friend. Grieving helps us let go of and forgive the past and enables us to accept a new normal. 

• Rely and lean on the One who promises to never leave or forsake you, the One who knows the days that He has ordained for you. Cultivate a personal relationship with Jesus and believe that God loves you and wants the best for your life!